During the holidays, vegetarians break bread with more carnivores than usual. If you're veg, at some point in holiday celebrations, some wisenheimer, quite possibly a drunkle, is going to say to you: "Want some?" while presenting a platter of sliced flesh under your nose, and think this is the very height of comedy.

Responding is a challenge, since you don't want to seem like a killjoy or a zealot (as you would be if you brought up factory farms). No; you must respond pleasantly with humor, more than the instigator used in his or her joke. (That won't be a stretch, because it wasn't funny.)

Prepare to respond to turkeys on Turkey Day with a few comebacks in your own style. Here are some suggestions to get started.

Omnivore [offering meat]: Want some?

Herbivore: Good one. Is that from your vaudeville act?
or,
Herbivore: No, but can I get you a martini? [This only works if the instigator is in AA]
or
Herbivore: Will you still want it after I vomit?

And now, an assignment, to warm up for the season: how to respond to the equally common and lame, "Well you eat plants -- they have feelings, too."