I'm a whiz at New Year's resolutions. Why? I know how to phrase them.For years, I've been mastering the art of completely obliterating my own promises to myself without technically committing hypocrisy.
What's more, if I happen to tell a friend my resolutions and they see me breaking one, I can repeat to them the exact way in which I phrased the resolution, exposing the loophole. Loopholes are your friends (especially if you're a lawyer), and genuine self-improvement is the enemy!
Saying "I will try to" is so lame. Everyone will see right through you.
For your reading pleasure, I have compiled my tips into a gallery of cute puppies. I shall assume that all of you have a terrible habit of killing cute puppies, and use the half-hearted vow to kill fewer cute puppies as my "example resolution."*
*Holidash in no way endorses the killing of puppies, especially cute ones
cat lincoln,12-28-2008, 8:41PM
I told you about the puppy killing IN CONFIDENCE.
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Annie Scott,12-29-2008, 12:10PM
Relax. Everyone knows Cats kill dogs.
Oh, I slay myself, I really do.
cat lincoln,12-29-2008, 12:17PM
And birds. We do love a good bird killin'!
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